Almost 25 years ago, a psychologist found a way to make even complete strangers fall in love. Sounds pretty crazy, right? But it worked, and it wasn’t with test tubes and hypnosis. It was with 36 questions, ranging from simple to deep, that deepened intimacy and forged strong connections. Here’s the best part: You and your partner can do these questions yourself. Who knows? The sparks might just fly.
What Was The Study?
In a 1997 study through SUNY Stony Brook, a psychologist by the name of Arthur Aron set out to discover if intimacy could be formed between complete strangers. By bringing together a group of people, pairing them up, and having them go through a series of 36 questions, divided into three sets, over the course of 45 minutes, he was able to notice a shift in their increasing closeness.
The results were so remarkable, in fact, that even 20 years later, platforms like the New York Times and Reader’s Digest still promote those questions. Not only, this study has discovered, do these questions foster closeness in strangers but it has also proven to rekindle love in long-term couples.
In an interview with Berkeley, Arthur Aron said, “The theory is, when you’re first in a romantic relationship, there’s an intense excitement, but then you grow used to each other. If you do something new and challenging, that reminds you of how exciting it can be with your partner, it makes your relationship better.”
The 36 Questions To Falling In Love
Before we get started, don’t worry. Even though these questions were used in a psychological study, they aren’t cold detached questions like you would expect to hear in a lab. In fact, they can be really fun!
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been on one date or multiple, newly going out or already wearing your wedding bands, find a date night and start at question one.
It’s estimated that you can get through all 36 questions in 45 minutes, but there’s no rush. You might even discover that you can only get through a couple per date because of the depth of the conversations they might inspire.
Remember, these start off as surface level questions but gradually get deeper. You might be surprised how much you and your partner might start opening up to each other. The more you get invested, the closer you will feel closer to your partner.
So without further ado, let’s get started:
Set 1
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
If You Hear Those Wedding Bells Ringing, Then Tie The Knot At The Little Vegas Chapel
When you’ve finished those questions, you’ll be surprised how much closer to your partner you’ll feel. If you aren’t married already, now might just be the time to set a date. If you are already wedded, then perhaps you’d like to celebrate your strengthened relationship with a vow renewal.
When you’re ready, book your special day at the Little Vegas Chapel! Here you can have a wedding day or vow renewal that you’ll never forget, one that you’ll want to tell everyone about!
Contact us today to learn more about all the ways you can benefit from having your special day here. We know how important it is to you, and how badly you want things to go right, which is why we do what we can to make it as effortless as possible.
Almost 25 years ago, a psychologist found a way to make even complete strangers fall in love. Sounds pretty crazy, right? But it worked, and it wasn’t with test tubes and hypnosis. It was with 36 questions, ranging from simple to deep, that deepened intimacy and forged strong connections. Here’s the best part: You and your partner can do these questions yourself. Who knows? The sparks might just fly.
